whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
