So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
