You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
