I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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