Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
COCAINE IS GR8
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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