when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
