You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
