Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
