I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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