Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
