Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Success! We fucked roommates!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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