They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
