i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
