Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
