So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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