he told me I talked like a deaf person
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
