please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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