When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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