i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
