My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
