So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
