I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
