is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
