Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize