Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
