Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
