You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
