please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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