My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
