hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
