I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So apparently I’m into choking now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
