I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
