Sry I called you an 8
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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