So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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