You can't special order awesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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