can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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