Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
