My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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