So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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