this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
