we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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