i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
