dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
