I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
