McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
