he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wear drunk well.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
