Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
