Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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