Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
