I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
