i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
