We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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