just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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