Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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