Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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