I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
