Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
