This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
