Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
