is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My cat gives me a boner
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
