my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
