I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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