I'm laying in your front yard are you home
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
