omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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