She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
