I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
