i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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