i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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