saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
