I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
