I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
