I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
