i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
