Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize