My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
