TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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