Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
