I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
